Ultrasonic Jewelry Cleaner from Life Basis

            Who knew that you could clean jewelry with just water? And on top of that, who knew you could clean jewelry with sound of all things? I sure didn’t. Apparently it’s not just regular sound – it’s ultra-sonic sound. That’s ultra-tastic. The Ultrasonic Jewelry Cleaner from LifeBasis uses literal sound waves at 42,000 Hz to clean your favorite rings, earrings, necklaces, and whatever else you have in your prized family safe that you completely and totally bought yourself.

            Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone you borrowed your neighbor’s diamond ring that he completely and understandably let you have. Don’t damage your jewelry, house, hands or your pocketbook with harsh chemicals (unless it’s super dirty). Instead, use only water and the crisp inaudible sounds that only mice can hear. Torture the rodents in your family safe house with a device that cleans not only your jewelry – but tells mice to kick it… possibly. Rodent removal not guaranteed.

            With the 850ML stainless steel tank included in the machine, you can clean your whole jewelry collection all at once. You can also clean more than jewelry. How about that ehm, family silverware collection that wasn’t sharpened for discreet… use? There’s even a CD holder, watch support, and a basket. Yeah, this thing can clean CD’s. I assume you’d need distilled water for that. No, not that type of distilled “water.” That’s just silly, why would you have that in your basement? I’m sure you’re using that for… personal use. Of course. I mean, why wouldn’t you be?

            Heck, this cleaner cleans more than just silverware and CD’s. You can put camera lenses in here, 3D printed parts, baby bottles, family-issued firearms, murd-I mean small non-electric job tools, gun barrels, used bullet casings, baby bottles, razors, makeup brushes, bike chains, and crim-… err… souvenirs from “job sites.” What jobs you might ask? Professional ones. Nothing to worry about, of course. You have to have clean tools for the job, right?

            If you’re not sure how long you want to clean these things for, that’s not a problem. It has 5 cycle settings (consisting of 600, 480, 300, 180, and 90 seconds), along with an easy on/off button. There’s an LED screen that will show the cleaning time as well, in case you’re not sure how long it’ll take until you’re ready for your next… assignment. With at least 10 years of experience, Life Basis brings you the professional quality to bring you cutting edge technology. Ha. Puns. Get it? Oh, you don’t get the joke? You don’t know what I’m talking about? Yeah, me neither. I don’t know what you’re talking about either.

            If you’re concerned about evid-… blo-… yeah I mean, dirt! If you’re worried about dirt getting on your hands, just turn a knob and raise a holder for easy access. Easy, right? Then you can just pick your item up with one of your easily burnable and disposable rags then clean off the residue. It’s clean, as far as anyone’s concerned. Right?… Right.

            Please be understanding of a few things: Although Life Basis can give you a clean piece of jewelry, it cannot remove oxide-based rusts and tarnishes. Softer gemstones and organic jewelry cannot be cleaned because they will likely be damaged by ultrasound in the process. Don’t put cracked or chipped glasses and other slightly damaged items in the tank, because the damage can get worse.

            How does it work, you might ask? Simply put, it creates microscopic invisible-to-the-naked-eye bubbles from ultrasonic vibration called cavitation. These bubbles then burst. When they burst, a shockwave occurs that breaks apart dirt – which then is stripped from the item in question. But since the bubbles are so small, they can occur practically anywhere on the item in question. This means that even items with irregular shapes and little cracks and crevices can and will most likely be cleaned with utmost efficiency. If you have glasses with no scratches or chips in them, this cleaner is very useful. After all, you have to see what you’re doing, and your foggy glasses might cause your vic-… friend to leave you behind when all you want to do is play operation with him. And that’s no fun! What a bummer.

            If you ever need to test the effectiveness or cavitation of the cleaner, take a clean piece of aluminum foil from the cupboard. Fill up the ultrasonic cleaner with water, and turn on the cleaner. Dip the aluminum foil inside the tank for 3 to 5 minutes. If the cleaner effectively pierces the aluminum foil and generates tiny holes all over it, then it’s working properly. If you’re confused, you can also tell by tiny pieces of aluminum foil floating in the water. If it’s not working properly, don’t worry: Life Basis provides you with a 12-month warranty upon purchase, and the product passes CE, PSE, TUV, and GS certifications. So I doubt that it’ll stop working unless something seriously goes wrong. After all, why would a company give you a 1-year new replacement policy if they weren’t confident in their product? If you’d like to check out the Ultrasonic Jewelry Cleaner from Life Basis, see the Amazon product link below.

Thanks for reading.

Roxie out.

DISCLAIMER: Parts of this article are completely and purely satire and written for entertainment purposes only. DragonBloggers, Amazon, Life Basis and affiliated companies do not condone, accept or promote illegal activity and/or behavior. Do not break the law.